By Cindy Palmer
Many distractions in life can hinder our communication. Marriages often fail or are not as rewarding as they could be, due to a failure to communicate. Our schedules can become filled with activities that confiscate our time with one another. Couples find themselves making no opportunity to share our thoughts with one another. How many times has man or woman come home and immediately turned on the television? While television is just one more means of entertaining ourselves, many people use this to simply numb the mind. You don’t have to think to watch television—and sometimes that is all someone may want after a busy day. But, relationships—good relationships—require interaction, attention, and work.
Children can also be a barrier to good communication between husband and wife. Time once reserved for a spouse dwindles or disappears when a new responsibility enters the equation. Time becomes scarcer with each addition to the family because training children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord requires time. Children provide both blessing and required tending (like fire!).
Every couple needs to develop their own unique way in which to communicate. The challenge lies in the discovery of the way that works for your marriage. In Proverbs 25:11 Solomon is trying to teach his children about how to deal wisely in with regards to how they communicate. The verse reads, “A word fitly spoken is apples of gold in settings of silver.” These words are especially fitting when talking to a spouse. Let us learn from scripture how to speak with the wisdom God bestows:
1.Let our words be few.When we say less we will be less likely to say something wrong. Ecclesiastes 5:3 reads “A fool’s voice is known by his many words” (cf. Proverbs 10:19).
- Be slow in answering. James 1:19 teaches, “Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” The inspired pen of James paints a guide to use of the tongue. A primary principle of tongue control: being quick to listen! Let us strive to exercise self-control by truly listening and understanding what is being said before answering.
- Let our words be sweetened. Proverbs 16:24 reads, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb – sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Let our words be positive, helpful, and pleasant.
- Let our answer be soft. In Proverbs 15:1 we read,” A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Many times it is not what we say but how we say it that creates the response we receive in return. However, the alternative to correct communication is much less pleasant. What happens when we communicate our way and not God’s way? The Proverbs paint a sobering portrait.
- Proverbs 27:15,“A nagging wife is as annoying as a constant dripping on a rainy day.” We become annoying, aggravating. Not a pretty picture! The contentions, quarreling, and arguing are like continual dripping. We go from being a blessing (Proverbs 18:22) to a source of contention.
- Proverbs 21:9, “Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” When we are contentious, we are simply no fun to be around.
- Proverbs 21:19, “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” We can literally drive our husbands crazy and push them away! In 1 Samuel 25, Abigail diffused a deadly situation for her household by using humble words. Let us be more like Abigail and use words that heal.
After looking into the scriptures what have we learned? When we communicate we should try to be prepared with regards to what needs to be discussed. Use a good tone and do not just react to a situation. Truly listen while your partner speaks and do not be thinking ahead to your answer, or to what you want to get into the conversation. Listen, consider, and then respond. Encourage your spouse with your words. Kind words and edification go a long way to build a foundation for good communication when disagreements do arise.
When we succeed in this all-important aspect of marriage, life is so much more rewarding. Set out today to communicate in such a way that God is glorified in your marriage.
Lastly, when you have handled a situation incorrectly, do not procrastinate in saying you are sorry. The more quickly we reconcile the better for our long-term communication. Do not be childish and force the other person to apologize first. Be a woman of grace and start the healing.
